I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
