I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
