he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
