Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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