Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
