I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize