no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
