just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
