he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
