you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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