Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
