All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
