I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
