I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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