This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
