We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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