im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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