all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
