I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
