Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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