i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize