i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
