He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
