Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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