Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
