sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
my nose is crying tears of wow.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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