good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
