There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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