I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
