im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
