I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
