Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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