we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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