saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
