Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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