Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
