I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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