Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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