you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
