u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
