Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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