Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
