does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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