she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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