Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize