I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
