I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
