sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
