my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize