...so i touched it.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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