Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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