so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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