It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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