I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
