i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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