he wants to bone in the snuggie
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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