I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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