Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
