I feel like abortions should bother me more
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
