I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
