I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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