I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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