She is in my trunk
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize