The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
