even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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