Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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