True but thats because hes a fetus.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
