I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
