Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
