i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
