I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
