i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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