pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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