it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
