So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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