Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
