i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
