I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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