Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my poor anus
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
