she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
