Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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