bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is Oprah even human
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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