Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
