Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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