spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
