I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
