why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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