I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
