Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Found the puke drawer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
